Dating is not magic. Even Christian men can get better at attracting women. How do I know? Because I’ve already made the journey.
You see, in the beginning, I wasn’t just told no. Most frequently I just got a phone number for a girl that never picked up. Or, I went on what I thought was a date, only to find out later that she had a boyfriend and thought I was just being friendly. This happened several dozen times in a row (so many in fact that I lost track, “several dozen” is not exaggeration). It got to the point where if a girl gave me a straight no I would verbally thank her for being straight with me.
However, by changing what I how I was thinking and how I was acting, I started to get results. I flirted with girls and they flirted back. Then, I started going on dates where we BOTH thought it was a date. Better still, I even, shock, got girlfriends.
I learned that it didn’t have to be the way I thought it was, basically waiting for something to fall out of the sky and go my way. I learned that getting a girlfriend wasn’t magic, or luck, but knowledge and skill set, just like everything else.
I also learned about multitudes of men that had gotten knowledge and skills and gotten way better with women. I also learned that you didn’t have to sacrifice your faith or character to do it. I also learned that having a stronger relationship with God made it all easier.
You, as a man, are not supposed to be passive. God is not passive and you are made in His image. Why do we, as Christian men, think that everything else in life requires effort, but, somehow, since “God has somebody out there for you”, that this one issue will just “fall together” when “the time is right”. Who told us this? Does God say this?
For most of us step one can be easy. Think about what it means to be passive, is it manly? Does it honor God? Does it even feel good? Isn’t passivity just indifference? Isn’t courage a virtue? Don’t you always feel awesome after being courageous? So, why not try being active, actually pursuing what you know you want and know is right? Isn’t courage a virtue?
Way more is under your control than you think. God doesn’t ask of us anything impossible. Nothing goes anywhere until you take that first step. Be active, even if it’s just a little bit more. Be more aggressive, even if it’s just a little bit more. You don’t have to shoot for the moon right away. Then ask if this doesn’t somehow improve things, however little. Get into the habit of just taking smaller steps towards pursuing the opposite sex, and towards pursuing the things that you fundamentally want. Whether that’s learning more, or just screwing up the courage to ask one girl out a week, move forward. It costs you very little to try, just start moving and see if the first step doesn’t help you take the next one.
In his autobiography, Tony Curtis recalled some valuable advice given to him by one of the icons of film Cary Grant. He told Curtis the best way to make the public want to see more of him was by making sure they didn’t see too much of him.
Grant was of course relaying a message that many a producer and press agent before him tried to tell certain Hollywood movie stars. Some listened many didn’t. The ones who did not, soon found that a public which had once adored them had now grown tired of seeing them. One too many bad movies and overexposure has ended many a career.
In relationship dating, the same rule applies. Sparks fly in the beginning as you and your date can’t seem to get enough of each other. You spend everyday together including weekends. Multiple phone calls per day that last for hours. Meeting each other on your lunch break and hanging out after work. Let’s not forget the internet where you constantly email and instant message each other.
And then it’s over. Neither of you can figure out why you suddenly cannot stand the sight of each other. No doubt it can be any number of reasons but if familiarity can breed contempt then overexposure can make you downright hostile. No matter how good things are going, try to keep a few things in mind:
1. Talk To You Later
Unless you are in a space capsule orbiting the earth, you do not have to be in constant contact with mission control also known as your significant other. Calling or emailing once a day is enough (every other day is even better). People need time to digest information they receive and that includes being in a relationship. Contacting someone more than once a day may be cute in the beginning but after awhile it can lead to The Sigh. That’s the one where your significant other takes a deep breath and asks themselves, “Now what do they want?”
2. Days Off
For many couples who are dating this is inconceivable. They feel it is vital to stay in each other’s space so they can get to know each other better. The problem is getting to know each other better can quickly feel like smothering. You can’t make a move without them breathing down your neck and vice versa. At first the two of you chalked it up to love. Time has a way of turning it into resentment.
3. Your Own Circle
The mistake many couples make is believing in the myth of one hundred percent compatibility and in the beginning of a dating relationship it may seem like just that. But it does not exist. There are going to be tastes and interests you have that your dating partner does not share. That’s fine. It leaves the both of you more time to spend in your own social circles. That does not mean that you shouldn’t take an interest in some things your significant other likes. It does mean that you do not have to share everything to have a successful relationship.
Dating relationships can be very deceptive. The tidal wave of wonderful emotions you both feel can pull you together; yet at the same time it can lead you down the path of breaking up. Enjoy each other’s company but go slow and be sure to give each other plenty of breathing room. Getting too much of a good thing too fast only increases the chances of both of you growing tired of the relationship very quickly
Tags: Relationship